10 Things You Must Know Before Stepping Off the Plane in Hawaii

It’s Freaking Hot! If you’re traveling from the Eastern states Winter (or any cooler climate) you will more than likely be sporting the tan of Keanu Reeves when he is eventually released from the Matrix, so be careful on your first ride on the Queen K. And, if anyone asks why your legs are so white, just tell them it’s a new kind of compression garment guaranteed to save you 17.8 watts over 180km, and if they are most triathletes they will probably believe you!

American’s actually speak an entirely other language, you will get sick of hearing the following and I will include the translation for the non linguists:

“Hey Guy” : A somewhat distorted greeting whether you are actually a guy or not
“Way to be” : A confusing term thrown at you during the race from supporters, designed to make you take your mind off the race pain and think long and hard about what this actually means!
“No Backhanders” : I was thrown this term during a ride on the Queen K by a passing American cyclist a few years ago and I still to this day have no freaking idea what this means so feel free to comment and let me know.
“How did that work out for you?” : Sounds like a harmless term but when it is said to you 97 times during the course of a day it can become a bit overwhelming. From asking how your bike ride went to how your coffee is, it’s never ending!
“Mahalo”: This is the traditional Hawaiian greeting but I actually spent the whole first 3 days of my time on the island saying “Moholo” instead, so get this one right so you don’t look like a complete dick as I firmly believe that’s why I upset the Hawaiian Gods and had a sh*t race day!

The Australian Dollar is rubbish! As if you haven’t paid enough money to get to this Island the plummeting Australian dollar will certainly mean you will actually be paying $15AUD for a crappy coffee at Lava Java so enjoy it and listen intently to Faris and Jurgen Zacks’ war stories as he is camped there all day!

The Lycra contingent: If you are struggling for internet or TV on the island just go and sit on the sea wall and watch team Lycra (anyone in head to toe lycra) run single file in full body compression garments in 90% humidity, guaranteed to entertain and amuse.

Latch on to a Tour Group: If it’s your first time on the island and need some info, hang around the swim start at about 8am and look for a mass of sandles and socks, this will be your German Tri Tour group. Switch on your google translator and take in all the info you need wedding crasher style and if anyone asks who you are just tell them you’re Norman Stadler’s nephew.

Watch as many repeats as possible: I grew up with this stuff and I still cant get enough! And the older the better, watching Faris go off the front solo in speedos and tear up the course (and his man parts!) in 2003 will be enough to bring tears to your eyes!

Clap when the plane lands: When you touch down on American soil its obligatory to stand up and clap your hands! Just get in the whole groove of it as its quite fulfilling, and in addition you don’t feel like complete kook when there are 73 other passengers around you doing the same thing!

Strava segment the Queen K: If you can find the smallest portion of road on the Queen K and make your own Strava segment, whether it be 50m or 200m it’s a good feeling to be the King of Kona in your own lunch box.

Ride every training ride as hard as possible: This will give you the mental edge on race day, it will physically leave you feeling boxed, but who cares as that 56 year old female age grouper thought you were Jan Frodeno when you flew past her at 45kmh 3 days out from the race!

Wear your race kit as much as possible: This will have the added effect of showing off your well maintained rig which you have worked so hard for, and it will further enhance your glorious 3^rddegree burn race singlet tan which will last most of the year.